Ah, the end of December. Christmas is over, you’ve returned to your Apartment of Solitude and have started thinking about all the ways you’re going to improve in the new year.* You’ll weigh less, have more money, be nicer to the Earth, blah blah blah. All this is fine and dandy until you forget about it on January 10th. Gawker has a nice article about how to keep your New Year Resolutions, but we here at FFBR prefer to just make ones we know we’ll keep. With that said, here they are. Please wish us luck.
- Watch every single episode of Kourtney and Kim Take New York.
- Listen to Britney’s new song, Hold It Against Me, repeatedly on January 7th. Related: Do the same when Lady Gaga’s Born This Way is released. Debate paying money to legally download both.
- Finish all seasons of Bones available instantly on Netflix.
- Continue to think Will Schuester (Glee) and Vanessa from Gossip Girl are the worst characters on TV.
- Resolve the Monday night 8:00 p.m. DVR battle that will shortly be occurring over 90210, Pretty Little Liars, and How I Met Your Mother (spoiler alert: it’s not looking good for How I Met Your Mother).
- Watch at least two early-morning Saved By The Bell episodes a week.
- Consistently roll my eyes every time Taylor Swift’s name is mentioned, particularly in regards to her “relationship” with Jake Gyllenhaal.
- Finally watch Easy A. And maybe Inception.
- Accept that, with the exception of Community, NBC’s Thursday night comedy block is no longer that great and I much prefer watching the Vampire Diaries.
- Vigorously defend Miley Cyrus when her inevitable sex tape leaks (see: 2011 Predictions, being published tomorrow).
- Do not drown myself in tears while watching Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part Two (note: this will be my greatest challenge! Please direct good karma to me in July.)
*I have a theory that the last week of December is actually the most unhealthy week of the year. Not that I use this justification or anything, but I imagine that if one was resolving to get back on track health-wise on January 1, they might justify their late-December extreme laziness and consumption of excess wine and greasy Chinese food by saying they only have a few more days to indulge in such vices.
- Quit having the “Cancel My Cable” debate with myself. I’m just not going to stop watching television and read more books of poetry. I don’t care what my graduate degree is in.
- Keep watching bad romantic comedies while clutching my pillows and sobbing. That’ll never grow old.
- Dance in my living room to Yeezy for exercise. It’s like I say: kundalini yoga uses gongs to relax the body. Kanye yoga uses sick beats.
- Buy more Michael Kors jeans. That’s brand loyalty, even if he utterly failed me on the last season of “Project Runway.” (Seriously, even Jack Black came out as being Team Mondo.)
- Keep going to more concerts and music festivals and try not to be one of those girls.
- Watch reruns of “Will & Grace” every morning while I drink coffee and get ready for the day, to remind me what’s important in life: awkwardness, topical humor, and flamboyant men.
Well, folks, that’s it! You may mock us for having such shallow goals for 2011, but remember: when you find yourself falling off the New Year Diet Wagon (and various other wagons), we’ll still be curled up in our Snuggies and/or blankets stolen from home, watching the Kardashians make more money than God.