2011 is finally here and, after watching Easy A yesterday, I’m well on my way to successfully completing all my resolutions! Hopefully the celebrities are as well. To guide them along, we’ve compiled a list of predictions (aka “things we hope to get to write about”) for 2011.
- A Kardashian gets pregnant. Likely Khloe, but maybe Kim if the family decides they’ve been out of the news too long. Many Life & Style magazine covers will follow.
- A Disney star sex tape leaks. Probably Miley. Maybe Demi Lovato.
- Lady Gaga’s album is good but, like her Alejandro video, stumbles slightly as she trips over her own pretensiousness.
- Lindsay Lohan either continues on the road to sobriety and orchestrates a major comeback around September, or crashes spectacularly and overdoses around May. Hopefully the former.
- The Situtation gets a girl pregnant. The girl will definitely be a huge grenade. The baby will be born with a previously-undiscovered STD.
- Speaking of babies, Jay-Z and Beyonce finally produce the world’s luckiest child.
- After seeing the success of the NKOTB/BSB tour, NSync reunites for their own tour. The Gemini faints of happiness before buying tickets to every show.
- The world finally realizes Perez Hilton is a complete waste of human space and does not notice as he and his blog fade to complete irrelevancy. This will also hopefully happen to Chris Brown.
- 2011 breakups: Katy Perry & Russell Brand, Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes, Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel (this has probably already happened), Chris Martin & Gwyenth Paltrow, Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck, Jessica Simpson & that guy she’s engaged to (but not before she gets pregnant), Fergie & Josh Duhamel. Maybe Kendra & Hank, but hopefully not.
- Kanye continues to be flawless while making us laugh at his fashion choices.