Dear Zac Efron,
I think you know by now that I’m your biggest fan. I actually paid money to see Charlie St. Cloud, and it was only after a month of agonizing internal debate that I let my niece borrow my High School Musical DVDs. I watch Hairspray and/or 17 Again at least once a month. We’ve been on good terms for years.
But this new look has to stop.
I know you’re playing a Marine in your next movie. But, if the internets have informed me correctly (and they always do, I’m sure), said movie has wrapped. It’s time to lose 5-7 pounds of muscle, grow your hair out, and stay away from Taylor Swift. Get back with Vanessa, I don’t care.
But call me first.