As you may recall, I dedicated an entire entry to telling Glee music snobs to shut up. Well, get ready because I’m about to totally contradict myself. I’m a Gemini, I’m allowed to do these things.
Neither myself nor the Libra like Gwyneth Paltrow. I couldn’t even tell you exactly why. Maybe it’s the way she insists on being everywhere, all the time (seriously, her performance at the Grammys was the epitome of unnecessary). Maybe it’s because her website is among the most pretentious things I’ve ever read. Maybe it’s because she named her cookbook My Father’s Daughter which, as a Videogum commenter pointed out, is basically a roundabout way of calling it Me.
Either way, when she guest stars as Holly Holiday on Glee I don’t see a carefree, funny teacher. I see Gwyneth Paltrow trying too hard to be hip and I wonder why Glee insists on bringing her back for multiple episodes.
The complete opposite of Gwyneth Paltrow is this flawless goddess:
When I first heard Glee was doing an Adele cover, I was excited. I imagined Mercedes doing Someone Like You (um, prophet), or Santana doing Rolling in the Deep. I did not imagine Gwyneth assaulting my ears with a cover of one of my favorite tracks, Turning Tables.
Ughhhh. What. Adele is amazing because of, among other things, her stellar voice and the emotion she puts into singing. Gwyneth has none of these things. If I wanted to watch a cardboard personality with a borderline-okay voice cover Adele, I’d go to YouTube.
Maybe the performance (airing this Tuesday) will be fantastic and I’ll be proven wrong. But until that point, I feel fully comfortable telling Gwyneth to sit down.