The Gemini Tells Gwyneth Paltrow To Sit Down

As you may recall, I dedicated an entire entry to telling Glee music snobs to shut up. Well, get ready because I’m about to totally contradict myself. I’m a Gemini, I’m allowed to do these things.

Neither myself nor the Libra like Gwyneth Paltrow. I couldn’t even tell you exactly why. Maybe it’s the way she insists on being everywhere, all the time (seriously, her performance at the Grammys was the epitome of unnecessary). Maybe it’s because her website is among the most pretentious things I’ve ever read. Maybe it’s because she named her cookbook My Father’s Daughter which, as a Videogum commenter pointed out, is basically a roundabout way of calling it Me.

Either way, when she guest stars as Holly Holiday on Glee I don’t see a carefree, funny teacher. I see Gwyneth Paltrow trying too hard to be hip and I wonder why Glee insists on bringing her back for multiple episodes.

The complete opposite of Gwyneth Paltrow is this flawless goddess:

When I first heard Glee was doing an Adele cover, I was excited. I imagined Mercedes doing Someone Like You (um, prophet), or Santana doing Rolling in the Deep. I did not imagine Gwyneth assaulting my ears with a cover of one of my favorite tracks, Turning Tables.

Ughhhh. What. Adele is amazing because of, among other things, her stellar voice and the emotion she puts into singing. Gwyneth has none of these things. If I wanted to watch a cardboard personality with a borderline-okay voice cover Adele, I’d go to YouTube.

Maybe the performance (airing this Tuesday) will be fantastic and I’ll be proven wrong. But until that point, I feel fully comfortable telling Gwyneth to sit down.

Hypocritically,

The Gemini

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About Famous For Bad Reasons

Pop Culture and Feelings, brought to you by two people with too much regard for the former and no regard for the latter.
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9 Responses to The Gemini Tells Gwyneth Paltrow To Sit Down

  1. Em says:

    Jealous much?
    gun ni ma de dan

  2. austine says:

    @ The Libra–Baisez-vous, hilarious.

    At first, I was perplexed by this hatred of Gwyneth, but upon reading about the book basically titled “Me” and hearing the god awful rendition of turning tables, I understood. So, sit down Gwyn.

  3. Tiffany says:

    Bravo, FFBR. Not only is Gwyneth far too boring and awkward to be a part of the show, why on Earth would they waste an Adele song on her, when obviously it would be 100x better to be sung by ANY other cast member (even Kurt would be an improvement). It doesn’t sound “bad”, but why waste a great song/artist on someone who is, well, a waste of my 40minutes of Glee time?

  4. Alejandra says:

    The problem with Gwyneth Paltrow covering such a soulful song is that she has no soul.

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