The Gemini’s Imaginary Backstage Rider

Katy Perry’s been getting some heat from the blogs for one some might describe as an “over the top” tour rider. Specifically, the sections that demand her chauffeurs never speak to her & declare “ABSOLUTELY NO CARNATIONS.”

Whatever. The chauffeur thing is kind of a bitch move & I don’t see the need to drape each room in “cream or soft pink” curtains, but I’d go just as crazy with my rider. In fact, when I’m famous and an invited commentator on VH1’s “I love the 2010s” my rider will consist of the following. Just because I can.

• A large platter of avocado rolls with specific instructions to not prepare them anywhere near actual fish (gross, seafood)
• A case of refrigerated Peach Fresca
• A sound system set up playing Kanye’s entire discography on repeat
• A treadmill so I can run before the show, or probably more accurately, look at the treadmill and think how I should be running
• Peanut M&Ms (they can keep all the colors in, I won’t be to JLo diva status yet)
• A bottle of extremely expensive wine I would never buy myself (this is basically anything over $8)
• A recliner complete with accompanying animal print snuggie
• A large HD TV with the ability to stream my Netflix queue should I get tired of Kanye

Ok, so maybe not that crazy. And in reality I’d probably just be like “hey, can you please go get me a Miller Lite and some Shake Shack?” But still. What’s the point of having people cater to your every need if you can’t be outrageous about it?

–The Gemini

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About Famous For Bad Reasons

Pop Culture and Feelings, brought to you by two people with too much regard for the former and no regard for the latter.
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2 Responses to The Gemini’s Imaginary Backstage Rider

  1. Charlsie N. says:

    I’d want the room to be 77 degrees at all times — unless I stated otherwise. And ideally, when I reach my full diva status, I will have Paula Deen cooking all of my meals.

  2. Tiffany says:

    Thank you for such a good power song, and for your honesty about riders. I don’t know why people bitch- if they had the option, they would do the same thing. Mariah Carey would have nothing on me, with a professional manicurist in house, mexican food and all seasons of Dawson’s Creek tivoed. Sorry I’m not sorry!

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