In August of 2004, I was unpacking my room in my freshman dorm at Hollins University, when two sophomores knocked on my door. Apparently, they were visiting the floor they used to live on the previous year, where “things you don’t even want to know about” happened, and “please, please, clean your floor. Seriously, you don’t want to know.”
One of the young women was outgoing, talkative, and apparently insane. The other just stood there, adding commentary here and there, observing, and judging. “This girl is judging me,” I thought. “This girl is standing in my room and judging me.”
That quiet observer with the steely gaze was none other than the Gemini. About a year later, we became friends. It worked out pretty well, if you ask me.
I bring this up because today is the Gemini’s birthday.
I’d like to take this opportunity to encourage you to celebrate her birthday in her utter Gemini style:
1.) If you’d like some cake to celebrate this occasion, first you’d better put some running shoes on. Then, you’re going to run or jog to a bakery in a neighborhood of your choosing. You are going to indulge in a cupcake. The calories won’t count because you ran there!
2.) For lunch you’re going to order some Chinese food, preferably one that delivers alcohol with the food. You’re going to curl up in a Snuggie on the couch, eating the food, drinking your wine, while you debate which first season of which television show you’re going to watch. You’re going to settle on “The Vampire Diaries” because it’s awesome, and you’re going to spend a good amount of time contemplating what Damon Salvatore’s eyebrows feel like. Like, are they furry caterpillars? Or are they like 400 thread count sheets you got from Martha Stewart cut into strips and pasted onto his face? Questions.
3.) When you get bored, you cry at a random scene that has very little emotional weight behind it.
4.) Night comes, and you still need to celebrate your lifestyle as the Gemini. You dance around to GaGa’s BTW album, crooning, “Marry the Night” to the mirror. You don’t hold a hairbrush and pretend it’s a microphone. That is so old school. You don’t need microphones because everyone is quiet; everyone is listening.
5.) You cry because you’re 25 and remember you fear death.
6.) But then you get over it because after perusing pictures of Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez making out, which causes you to laugh endlessly to yourself in your apartment, you realize thank god you’re not 18 anymore.
7.) You go out with your local friends, who buy you a ton of drinks. You send text messages that don’t make sense, including one that’ll make it to Texts From Last Night (or Famousforbadreasons.com). You feel pretty good. You sit at the bar judging everyone. A businessman hits on you. You ignore him after he pays for drinks for your friends and you. You judge him. He walks away.
8.) You let most birthday calls go to your voicemail. You respond to all the texts you get though, despite the Droid’s proclivity to make hilarious typos. People wonder why you don’t answer the phone, but you’ll know why: it’s your birthday, so why talk when you can text? Gemini problems.
So, happy birthday to the Gemini! May you marry the night.
From one air sign to another,