Guys, I had an awkward experience attending The Elected show (omg Blake Sennett– fangirl moment!) at the Knitting Factory in Brooklyn. I seriously have no problem with receiving compliments, getting stared at, etc., but if a dude’s going to smile creepily all night and shuffle inches forward at a time, I get bored and don’t think it’s going to end with anything except maybe a restraining order. And that’s really run of the mill. What’s more, how was this dude who was eyeing me all night supposed to compete with Mike Bloom of the Elected? Talk about silver fox (can you be a silver fox at only 36?) with his strangely buttoned shirt and his commitment to telling us about his whiskey and clementine consumption. SIIIGH, older men!
Dudes, if you’re trying to pick up a girl at a concert where attractive guys on stage are getting her attention, here are some helpful tips:
1.) If a lady makes eye contact with you, please don’t assume she was trying to pick you up first. She may have been scoping out the crowd to see the demographic, to count beards, or to see if the leaders of the bands were in the crowd watching the opening bands perform. This happens a lot, so maybe just maybe this fidgety young lady who made eye contact with you was simply trying to see who was standing behind her.
2.) However, if you’re undaunted by this possibility and still want to make a connection with her, try not to smile excessively at her. Young women live more predominantly in an unfair culture of fear than you might, so really, if you’re flashing all your teeth, you just look like some weird panther that likes cheap beer.
3.) When the lady you are attempting to smile into submission begins to groove and dance, please don’t stare at her every movement. Remember, you came by to stare at people on the stage, and unless you plan on going up to dance with her or learn her dance moves, you just look creepy. Okay, you don’t look that creepy watching cute girls dance, unless you’ve made the mistake of smiling all night and not approaching her. It’s a combination of unsettling factors, okay?
4.) Approach her. What’s the worst that could happen? You could get shot down, but it’s nowhere near as bad as having the girl write a blog entry about the creeper who stared and smiled at her all night but didn’t come up to say hello. What’s more is you guys have music, at least, in common; offer to buy her a drink. Say, “I saw you staring at Mike Bloom. Isn’t he a little old?” Offer a small smile, not all your teeth.
5.) If she disappears into the night, and you meant to get her phone number (or her first name), try going up to the friends she was with and ask where she went. At least that shows
that you can stalk without the aid of facebook pragmatism.
6.) If worse comes to worse, google the concert you went to and “annoyed female bloggers,” and you may find out she’s a Libra who doesn’t mind being pursued, just not in a creepy way.
I hope this advice is helpful to you! If it’s not, whatever, just enjoy the show.