So we all know that 2011 is the year that Jersey Shore died. It’s still alive but it’s alive in the same way that Zsa Zsa Gabor is still alive: technically, it’s not dead, but it is. The Italian season was a monumental failure and it went just like I thought it would–they’re the turd in the punch bowl over there too. They didn’t appreciate the culture (saw that coming), they didn’t fit in (shocking) and the whole thing came off as a desperate and unimaginative way of trying to breathe new life into the show. And Deena sucks. Like, a lot.
There are ways to breathe new life into the show–get rid of dead weight on the show like Sam, Ron, Sitch (Ed. note: no) and Deena OR make two houses and split up the cast. Or spin Deena off onto her own show on Bravo or something. I really need less Deena in my life.
But this next season is going to be another one in Seaside Heights and the guys are going to holler at the same girls, make the same jokes, GTL just the same while the girls are going to get in the same fights, the meatballs are going to meatball it up and Deena is going to try to steal more of Snooki’s shine. I wouldn’t miss Deena if she fell off the face of the Earth today, people. Really don’t care for her. (Ed. note: Guys, do you think he likes Deena? I cant tell.)
I’m going to watch every episode because I’m invested. I’m going to be playing the fiddle while the ship sinks. I’m not looking forward to it.
When this show eventually ends, I’m going to need something. Something sick. Something twisted. And I’d like to be at least one season deep, so I’m going to be testing out new shows while Jersey Shore is still going. Just don’t tell Jersey Shore I’m cheating on it, ok? It’d probably get even with an episode where Sammi and Deena become best friends and take over the whole episode.
The show that I’m really excited about is Mama Drama, which premieres New Year’s Day at 10 on VH1. This is the latest work of SallyAnn Salsano, creator of Jersey Shore and an Illuminati (wild speculation but it’s probably true). The show takes pairs of mothers and daughters who party together and put them in a house in Vegas.
I mean, look at ’em. They all look a little crazy, but the mother/daughter pairs in the middle (with the animal print and the fucked up enormous red flowers, on the right side (the daughter with her hands on her hips and the mother kinda hiding behind her daughter) and on the left (teeny dresses) look special crazy.
There are some serious opportunities for crazy here: moms who want to be the cool mom, moms who can’t take it that their daughters are stealing some of their thunder, daughters who can’t take their moms stealing their thunder, moms not being able to deal with their age, etc etc etc. I haven’t seen a trailer but I know this is going to be magic. I just have a feeling. It’s the feeling I got when Snooki and Vinny hooked up this season: a little woozy, tingly all over, sick to my stomach. I can’t wait.
I’m also going to give the Virgin Diaries a run.
This might get a little weird. I enjoy weird people but I don’t enjoy certain awkward moments. I can’t qualify what makes an awkward moment one that I won’t like but I didn’t flinch during any of the commercials. There are a lot of weird kisses going on.
See, the great thing about losing your virginity in like the 18-ish range is that you’re probably still a little awkward and you can get away with blaming your age for being an awkward kisser or awkward in bed. The first few times are going to be awkward regardless. These people on Virgin Diaries are just awkward and they’re putting their awkward on national television.
All the awkward stuff aside, we’re watching a defining moment in someone’s life. I think that’s cool. All the weird people and weird kisses are just a bonus.
(Ed. Note: If you have any suggestions for our Special Jersey Shore Correspondent to watch, please let us know in the comments!)