Ew, guys, I’m boring now. I used to be fun. Really. Yeah, I had my hermit moments or the nights when I was like “sorry, I can’t go out, the Vampire Diaries is on.” (Lies, I never said that. That’s why God made DVRs). But I was always down for happy hour or a brunch that was 90% mimosa, 10% food. Even this fall, my first semester of grad school, I was at least somewhat fun. I’d go to dinner, or take advantage of a long weekend.
Now I’m just boring. I think it’s a combination of my class schedule (7 hours on Saturday morning? What was I thinking?), my work schedule (my boss is who I want to be in life, so I have to be on my A-game), and financial situation (Pro Tip: never look at your “estimated balance” on your student loan account). Plus, I recently somewhat-accidentally signed up for a half-marathon, and that training doesn’t lend itself to wine nights and 5 hours of sleep. I’m basically the people Marshall & Lily hate in Okay, Awesome, while desperately trying to cling to my former life as Marshall/Lily.
Or, even worse, maybe I’m just getting old. I’ll be 26 just four short months from today. And as we all know from Jessica Simpson, that’s basically 30. Should I be getting married and having babies or something? Um, no, especially since just last night I had a dream that I gave birth and immediately began screaming “I DON’T WANT IT, I DON’T WANT IT.”
I have no one in Hollywood to guide me through this situation. Those bitches go out til they’re 50, and then they just get weird and sad and overdose on a drug made for white-trash teenagers. So I guess until then I will just continue on my path of work-class-homework-run-DVR-sleep-occasional outing once a month. Even if this plan does involve drinking only one solitary glass of wine that you slowly sip while writing essays and listening to that one Lana Del Ray song (or two let’s be honest) that makes you even more hermit-y, for no other reason than it’s slow and your voice fits her vocal range.
Yours in boredom,